Letter for Tony #1

Well , i dont know what i want to achieve with this blog , but i know that i want people to follow and help with making this blog better , i got an email from some one named John, he wrote me in regards of one of my stories i wrote on nifty but his e-mail was about him more so the story so i decided to post it read below

i'm gay i struggled with it and lived in the shadow of my live , in many ways i still do , my brother and sister do not know , and i am envious sometimes of their relationships. i wont admit it and only my mom knows , she hasn't acted any differently towards me , she still loves me thats great. but sometime i wish i could find happiness love and have people be okay with it . but one can only dream.  i am in college and i notice a lot of guys that i am into but i dont think they are into me . sometimes though i get the stare back , the stareback is when i see someone who i am attracted to and they stare back at me , its like we are sexing with our eyes but it doesnt go further then that . how can i find friends and even a boyfriend that is gay"

"John*"

i'm no expert and i am glad you wrote me , and allowed me to use this on my new site , but i also have struggled with who i am , trying to find the right balance between my inner self and what the world deems as normal . it will eventually clash john, one day you will feel like your suffocating because your pretending to be something or someone your not while the person you are and want to portray is stuck well in the darkness. what i mean is "who you are is being confined within you" lets face it the reason for the confinement is because it  would be more comfortable for everyone else.. But what you should be asking yourself is what do "I" want , what is right for "ME"

and the whole thing with your siblings i assume they are in hetero relationships and i understand how you can get envious of that . seeing how free they can be with each other , but it feels like you dont have that option, well you do have that option  but sometimes it isnt safe to explore who you are and you feel trapped. i know from personal experiences that people wont always be okay with you being who you are . so i should ask this question , do you feel like it is something that it's worth doing, and if you dont do it will you regret it . I can't tell you what to do , in fact i wont tell you what to do all i am doing is trying to give some advise on the matter or rather help you along the way of life .

The staring concept is to let you know that the other guy is into you john, lets face it , the other guy is just as much scared as you are , trust me a straight guy wouldn't be staring at you., if you do want to talk to the starer go over ease into a conversation , ask about the weather or the time , ask what his major is,  you  know small talk then move into more gradual conversation (what you or he wants to do after college) you never know until you try right . i know it isn't easy i am not saying it is , trust me . but you never know

I will end this note with this , if you want to live your true life you have to throw caution to the wind and allow yourself to be happy, It's okay john. if you want to meet more friends see if your school have lgbt groups or gay straight alliance groups , you can meet really great people and even a possible boyfriend their , i hope it all works out for you because you deserve to be happy we all do.